Like many of my peers, I’ve spent a lifetime hiding, compensating for and apologising for the impacts of my ADHD. And although I’ve thrown myself into personal growth over the years and now have a healthy sense of self-love (it’s a work in progress), the ADHD burnout cycle has remained a familiar and unwanted pattern in my life, until now. It’s only taken five decades and about 100 burnout cycles to understand why, but here we are.
If you have ADHD, you may wonder if the pattern of thriving and then diving, and all the disregulated behaviours that come with it, can ever be broken. I’m here to show you that not only can the cycle be broken, but you don’t have to turn into a different person, spend thousands of dollars on therapy or make huge life changes for that to happen. To get started, all it takes is some self-awareness and a new view.
ADHD Burnout: Life as We Know It
Burnout isn’t just about being tired. It’s about being done. For people with ADHD, this is unfortunately not just a once-in-a-lifetime occurrence, it’s life as we know it on loop. And there are a bunch of reasons why it happens more often, and more intensely, for people with ADHD (including those of us with ADHD and Autism) than for neurotypicals. I will delve into the details of ADHD burnout in my upcoming book, Thrive & Dive: How to Break the ADHD Burnout Cycle for Good, so stay tuned for more on that soon.
ADHD burnout sneaks up on you, and it is cumulative. The more you experience it, the more damaging it is to your heart, mind and body. In my latest burnout cycle, that damage was literal. It may start in high-performance hyperfocus mode, but it often ends in heartache, tears, and low self-worth (or worse).
When I was researching and trying to understand what was happening to me, I found a few different models for the ADHD burnout cycle. None of them quite seemed to reflect my lived experience, though. So, I developed my own model in five distinct (but cumulative) phases. Most people don’t even realise they’re barreling towards burnout until they find themselves unemployed, unable to get off the couch for days and binge watching Mexican telenovelas.
In Chapter Two of Thrive & Dive, I break down the five phases because half the battle is recognising the pattern. At least it was for me. So, let’s go.
ADHD Burnout: Star Performer Phase
This stage is glorious. You’re on fire. You’ve found a project, client, or job that has your full attention, and I mean full. You’re in the zone. Everything else fades away. You’re working late, smashing deadlines, delivering your brilliant strategies, shipping at an unbelievable rate. You feel seen, capable, and even a little invincible. You get glowing feedback. People are impressed. You’re impressed. But behind the scenes, you’re running on empty. You’re skipping breaks, forgetting to eat, ignoring the inbox and possibly the invoices. The same hyperfocus that makes you feel like you’re made of Teflon also blinds you to your basic needs. Your ego is running the show. And because you’re energy is maxed out trying to maintain this pace, the cracks are just under the surface, ready to bring your performance to a grinding halt.
ADHD Burnout: Executive Dysfunction Phase
The magic starts to wear off. Your brain fogs over. You can’t concentrate. You’re forgetting appointments. You keep rereading the same paragraph. And every small task feels like trying to climb a mountain with rollerblades. Mistakes creep in. You feel scattered and unreliable. But here’s the worst part: you don’t notice how bad it’s gotten. Your self-awareness takes a nosedive. You think, “What’s wrong with me?” instead of, “Wow, I might need support.” And you keep trying to maintain the pace you were working at in phase one, but you’re no longer a star performer, so you no longer feel invincible. Instead, you feel confused by your dysfunction and think, “I just need to concentrate more, work harder, do more, work later…” But these are just band-aids, and because you’ve not addressed the underlying problem, things only get worse.
ADHD Burnout: Stress Phase
This is the “oh shit” moment. You realise you’re not functioning the way you used to. You are no longer the start recruit. You’re the loser who can’t get their shit together, or at least you feel that way. The panic sets in. You start catastrophising. Your mind runs through everything that could go wrong, and your inner critic starts screaming at you. You desperately continue to “push through,” but the harder you try, the more overwhelmed you feel. You start avoiding tasks, dreading emails, and waking up tired. The pressure builds. And even though you’re trying to hide it and you are desperately hoping no one notices, they do. Cue anxiety and fear, guilt and mental spiral.
ADHD Burnout: Shame Spiral Phase
This phase is perhaps the most destructive of all. The stress turns inward. You start blaming yourself for everything. You’re dropping balls, missing deadlines, and forgetting the simplest things. Not only does it feel like everyone’s watching you drown, but they’ve brought the popcorn. Your internal dialogue becomes brutal. “I’m a mess.” “I’m unreliable.” “Why can’t I just get it together?”
You start leaning on whatever feeds your dopamine deficiency so you can numb the pain: mindless scrolling, sugar, rage-tidying, maybe a sneaky glass of wine (or five) and jadedly blaming others (anything to feel better about yourself). Rational thought goes out the window. The shame is loud, constant and crushing. And the worst part? You feel completely out of control. Clients, colleagues, or managers have lost confidence in you, which only feeds the spiral. And you feel like this is the point of no return.
You’ve hit the wall. You feel emotionally, mentally and physically fried. You might still be showing up, but you’re checked out. You can’t concentrate, your motivation’s gone, and even simple tasks feel overwhelming. You feel like a failure. You know people are doubting you. And now, you’re doubting yourself, too. This is often when you quit, ghost the project, drop off the radar, or—more often than not—get fired. You feel stuck, resentful, and completely done. You may think, “I’ll never get this right,” or “I’m just not cut out for this.” And if you’ve been on this ride more than a few times, the fatigue and nervous system dysfunction will be worse than before. It will be harder to pick yourself up and regroup. It will be harder to start again. And it will be harder to love yourself enough to try.
Why Identifying These Stages Helps
Understanding these phases is the first step to reversing the ADHD burnout cycle. When you recognise your patterns, you can reclaim your power. And while seeing the pattern doesn’t make the experience any less real or painful, it does give you a glimmer of hope that the mess you feel your life has become can be unravelled, one day at a time. When you can name what’s happening, you can meet yourself with compassion instead of criticism. You don’t necessarily believe it yet after gaslighting yourself throughout your life, but you’re not broken. You’re not lazy. You’re simply navigating a nervous system and brain wiring that was never built for a conventional world and or a conventional work environment, whether that be running your own business or working for someone else. The good news is, once you see the cycle, you can disrupt it before it takes you out of the game called life. How do you do that? That’s the topic of my upcoming book. But I’ll give you a hint, it has a lot to do with radical self-care.
Does any of this sound familiar to you? Where are you in the ADHD Burnout Cycle?
Helpful resources
- If you haven’t already, take the ADHD Burnout quiz and find out where you are in the Thrive & Dive cycle.
- Access exclusive member content on radical self-care and support the launch of Thrive & Dive: How to Break the ADHD Burnout Cycle for Good by becoming a member of my Patreon tribe.
- Book a Burnout Recovery Discovery Session to explore working with me. I’ve developed a unique model for burnout recovery, but it’s not just for people with ADHD. It can help anyone who experiences burnout, whether that be from parenting, managing an illness or disability, or career stress. If you’re in or heading towards burnout, book a call today.
The above contains excerpts from Chapters 1 & 2 from my upcoming book, Thrive & Dive: How to Break the ADHD Burnout Cycle for Good. © 2025 Caroline Szellemes. All rights reserved.
