I find it kinda ironic that just two weeks before Darren died, we were talking about the importance of memorials.
The past three years have been a heady mix of grief, anger, heartbreak, frustration, breakthroughs and breakdowns. I’ve had more therapy than I’d care to admit, but this year two things happened to help me move past the hold grief had over my life. 1. I wrote a song about moving on after the death of a partner, and 2. I redid the Landmark Forum and got complete with Darren’s death.
Serendipity then stepped in, and everything around his death came to a close. For the first time in three years, I felt free to be and free to move forward. Then the anniversary came up, and my friend Arika and I went away for a beautiful rainforest hiking weekend to celebrate who Darren was for me. I still miss him, but I no longer feel incapacitated by grief.
I have wanted to create a memorial for some time but couldn’t work out what to do… until I wrote this song. I felt like these words said everything about who he was for me, about what it was to grieve for a lost love. And it felt cathartic to write it. I feel so lucky to have loved and been loved. Not everyone gets that chance. And I will always be grateful. ‘My heart holds the memory of you’ is a living memorial to that love.
My wish is that anyone who listens to this will feel it all… the love, the grief, the starting over, the incredible highs and the devastating lows.
This song hasn’t been professionally recorded yet but it felt important to share it in its raw state because this song is pretty damn raw. Am hoping to record it properly soon. Stay tuned.
In loving memory of Darren Bowden 1969 to 2021.
